PREVENTION INTERVENTION POSTVENTION - SUPPORT AFTER SUICIDE LOSS
HELPING PEOPLE HELP PEOPLE
and i will be my brother's keeper, so the whole world will know...
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
MY WHY
A Suicide Loss Survivor Creating Change
We can't help what we didn't know, but when my brother needed help, we simply didn't recognize it. Unfortunately, in the aftermath of suicide loss and in the days that followed - when WE NEEDED HELP - there were few to no resources available for us.
Whatever brought you to this page today -
I am glad you're here.
I'm glad you found us.
I'm glad you found me.
I'm glad you're alive.
Regardless of where you are, and no matter what is going on in your life right now - know you're NOT ALONE, even though it may feel like it.
I've got you... and I feel you.
I know first hand how much those words SUICIDE PREVENTION great BIG on the main page of this site can truly HURT to see, or hear or read as a survivor of loss. Forgive me for having them there, but it's too important for the rest of the world for them to not be. We have to say that word - SUICIDE - we have to call this what it is. Taking them away will do more harm than good, but I do want to acknowledge the difficulty of the words - suicide and prevention after you've lost someone this way. It won't ever not hurt my heart.
If you're here and grieving... I'm sorry for your loss.
If you're here and struggling... I hope you'll keep finding your ways to stay alive.
Whatever experience landed you here, know there is a place for you wherever I am.
It's important to acknowledge we can only prevent suicide and stop this tragic loss of life, when we know what to do. And yet sometimes, even on the best days, we can do everything right and still lose people. That's the truth, that's our reality... and we just have to keep reaching more people before it's too late - for them or us.
If you've found yourself here as a survivor of suicide loss, know I am sorry for what you've endured and are going through. Please, do yourself a favor and forgive yourself - right now. (We can work on the rest of that misplaced guilt in the days ahead.) I'm glad you're here today and I hope you'll allow yourself to be here for you. From here on out, know you've found someone who cares - me. I care. I care about you, I mean that.
You'll find your people here... you already have - because I am one of you.
My WHY?
My Why is a LOT and has changed many times over the years. My why began as a result of my beautiful younger brother Jamie and his life lost - his life lost to suicide. I didn't want him to be forgotten, I didn't want how he died to be the only thing people remembered about him. Most importantly, I didn't want other families to endure what we did as a result of his death. My why will never not include him, but it became bigger than that quickly. Bigger than him, and bigger than me. Before I knew it, "My Why" became about all of us.
My why - is because I know we can save more lives from being lost.
My why - is because I believe suicide is no one's destiny. Ever.
Though my loss experience(s) with suicide got me here, the reason I stay - is because of you. YOU, your family, your people - are part of my why.
I was first called to speak out about suicide about a year after we lost my brother. That single phone call changed my life - almost as much as losing him, but in a completely different way. I haven't always been a suicide prevention and mental health advocate, but I became one on a rainy April night, nearly three decades ago. The experience and how those tragic events unfolded will forever be engrained in my mind and heart. They can't not be.
In short - after that first presentation, I made a commitment to try to never say no if I was ever asked to speak again, and my phone just never stopped ringing. Before I knew it and without meaning to, this - suicide prevention and mental health awareness - became a way of life for me. It's not just what I do, it's who I am. I'm an advocate and a survivor - through and through and through, and through again.
As a result of Jamie's life lost, I made it MY MISSION to know what to do to help others in the days ahead, and more importantly, I vowed to share that knowledge with anyone who would listen. 28 years ago we were whispering the word cancer, so we sure weren't talking about suicide or mental health conditions out loud. For more than half my life now, I've been a part of the movement to create significant change in how we talk about and view suicide, in addition to tearing down the stigma surrounding this tragic loss of life and living with mental health conditions. The most important thing we can do moving forward is support those fighting and managing mental health conditions/disorders/illness, in addition to providing support for those who've lost someone. The only way we can do that is by providing educational opportunities to help people do better when they know better... and that's what I do.
Facilitating trainings/presentations, advocating and bringing awareness to mental health, working toward creating positive culture changes in legislature and increasing safety in every day circumstances is what I've been able to give to the world around me. All of that while providing postvention grief support for individuals and families like my own, who've been impacted by suicide - is me doing something good with my something awful. It doesn't fix what happened, because it can't... but there has been much "beauty in the ashes" as a result of my efforts. Oddly enough, I found peace and healing in helping others over the years... I also discovered those efforts changed the world one human being, one family, one workplace, one life - at a time. There is nothing more important than that. That is HOPE!
Whatever you're looking for here - especially those with heavy, hard and difficult circumstances - you're in the right place. I will help... because helping people help people. (And if I can't help, I'll find someone who can.) That is my promise to you.
Jamie has now been gone for much longer than he was ever alive. The reality of that will never be lost on me. I will never not miss him; his life lost to suicide will never not hurt, and that's 100% okay. I know today his light still shines today, just differently.
"... and I will be my brother's keeper, so the whole world will know you're not alone."
You are my brother, because everyone is - and though we are each incredibly strong on our own, we truly are #StrongerTogether.
I hope you find some of what you're looking for here and I hope to meet you in the days ahead.
Michelle Toman
Founder, Brother Up
"Brother UP Sister!" (Jamie Campbell)
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Whatever brought you here today, we're glad you found us.
We are #StrongerTogether!
We look forward to connecting with you.